


Route of The Problem

by MacKyleMore



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: (FCK I SURE HOPE SO considering its the SOURCE MATERIAL lmao), M/M, better thats better, cw: Is straight-up Route of The Problem FordeKyle, cw: May Contain Heavily Implied Route of The Problem FordeKyle, one night stand to lovers, so actually it should say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/pseuds/MacKyleMore
Summary: It's a long road.But somehow it always leads me back to here. Time, and time, again.
Relationships: Forde/Kyle
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Small disclaimer/Fair Warning: In this fic when Kyle meets Forde, he has had a few drinks. While not enough to make him be unaware of his surroundings, he is still intoxicated.
> 
> So if the idea of Forde picking him up in such a state would upset you, click away! (while definitely not my intention to come off as non-consentual, the line between saying yes and meaning it all the while having booze in your system IS an incredibly fine one, and does happen in real life. So I can understand if it would upset anyone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late November 2020 Edit Note:
> 
> I came back to edit this fic: As it is very meaningful to me and has helped me/continues to help me get through with what has been the most difficult part of my life. 
> 
> It is without a doubt my favorite thing I've ever written. It holds a very special place in my heart: But that doesn't mean I don't vastly prefer my current writing style as opposed to how I wrote back in February of 2020.
> 
> So I came back here, wanting nothing more than to just edit some things a little here and there, and update my Favorite Fic so that I like it even more and it could reflect my current style. Basically I just wanted to make it flow better.
> 
> And while I have not changed any plot points, or any serious sets of dialouge: I realized I added a lot of extra feelings. (Kyle's ESPECIALLY) Because back when I first wrote it, I couldn't really express all I wanted to in it exactly 
> 
> So NOW I'm like: Well, shit! When I first wrote RoTP: I knew how I was writing Kyle for how I WANTED him to feel... But I didn't exactly know how to EXPRESS this in the writing itself.
> 
> So, it's like... Well... I hope it all flows a bit smoother now. Like. EVERYTHING. Because this fic was <13000 words but I accidentally somehow now went overboard and edited it into <18000 . I'm not sure what that says about me. I don't know if I've even... maybe made my bad fic even WORSE in doing this. Whatever.
> 
> Somehow, again, I did this without changing any REAL conversation or plot between Forde and Kyle.
> 
> But, In any case. Route of The Problem has a very, VERY big significance to me. I can even say it's saved my life. That sounds ridiculous. I am well aware. But that being said; Me going back and editing it so drastically felt almost immoral, considering what it means to me... lol
> 
> But also, as I edited it again: I have once again concluded Holy Hell I Love This Fic No Joke This Fic Absolutely Fucks To Me And I Really Love It So Much.
> 
> (Regardless as to how bad it is)

"Jeez, Kyle. Watch it!"

The bartender tells him this, even while pouring him his third glass of bourbon.

Kyle is by no means a regular at this place... or at least not until recently. His name is hazy in the slow buzz of dim bar light; And he knows the guy who said it to him, said it only because without it: Any objection to how much Kyle visits these days would _completely_ go over his head. If Kyle hadn't been coming here so often as of late, the employee wouldn't have recalled his name from just a single glance at his ID.

Kyle wishes that were the case, because hearing that he is drinking too often directed at him like _that_ just makes him want to drink all the more out of spite.

"I gave you my keys already. If you want a heavy tip, you'll serve me..." Kyle grumbles.

Laughing, knowing Kyle's right but can't specifically say it; The glass is slid in front of him.

One hand grabs it and Kyle swirls it slowly in thought before he brings it to his lips. _Why did he ever start coming here in the first place?_ He is sure he had a reason at one point, but now they all look miniscule and pointless.

But that is what the bottle is for in the first place, if you're going to drink all alone like he has been. He doesn't remember.

And he _doesn't want to._

In the drink's reflection when Kyle goes to set it back down, a flash of yellow tinted by dark whiskey buzzes in his already buzzing head... _Great._ A woman who will try and have her way with him.

Since he's started going out like this about four or five months ago, (Okay, maybe this _has_ been going on for more than _'recently'_ if he thinks about it too hard... but that's why Kyle just chooses _not_ to think about it.) it has been happening often. With their long blonde hair and dresses with hem-lines cut up to the hip; Anyone would fall for it.

Maybe Kyle isn't human, because he himself has yet for any need to cave in. The fingertips that brush his biceps, and, if the person is feeling a little dauntless, sometimes his _thigh;_ Are always from the same hand. Chipped dark nail polish on soft fingers. The same looking _hand,_ but never from the same exact _person._

These women give up after trying to talk to him for a moment or two, because although drunk; Kyle is always in his right enough mind to _bore_ them to death.

He himself is feeling a little braver than usual; So instead of waiting, Kyle turns to tell this flirt off before she can even start.

He is **sick** of it; Whether he just _looks_ easy or he really _is_ just that much of a catch. 

...The woman, upon further inspection; Is actually in fact no ' _woman,'_ at all. The spectrum of carbon-copied persons is wiped away when the similarities between this guy two seats over and the others who have tried to take Kyle to bed are not so similar _after_ all.

Kyle can't help but notice, even in his current state; That unlike anyone who has hit on Kyle in the past, the hair on this guy's head is natural. Not _platinum_ or _rose-gold_ or _so fried from dye_ that it should fall out at any moment. His roots alone appear darker than the long flow of its length, but it's not so obvious to the eyes; _So that's probably only because they haven't seen enough sun to pale like the rest of it._

...And his eyelashes are almost a deep, jet-black.

_Kyle wonders how it is possible to contrast one's own features so much._

"I know I'm an eye-sore, but you don't need to _staaare."_ This Contradictingly Almost _Jaw_ -Dropping Blond mumbles while a smirk finds its way onto his lips. One of his arms holds his head in a palm as he leans on it over the bar.

This blond hasn't turned to look directly at Kyle since he's sat down; So Kyle realizes it was Kyle _himself_ to initiate this time...

_This isn't what Kyle wanted_. **Different** -Than-Usual Blond Guy was _supposed_ to be a girl, and was _supposed_ to attempt to seduce him with words he wouldn't take to heart.

"Y-You _-You're not--"_ Kyle starts to verbally argue in disagreement to the statement. But Kyle soon stops; Reaction time dwindling, but somehow it's still _sort_ of functional. "I'm not staring at _you."_

The dark eyelashes blink, and the sharp eyes they frame reposition their gaze to look Kyle's way-- Locking eye contact-- For the first time.

"Then what are you so fixated on?" Blond makes a turn to next look behind himself; He takes a solid three seconds to look around in exaggeration, As if to check if there were someone _else_ around to catch Kyle's attention. Even though _Stunningly Attractive_ over here clearly already knows that past him; _T_ _his part of the bar is **empty.**_

...

_Cocky._ Kyle feels his blood boil in his head.

"Don't think so highly of yourself." Stumbles Kyle in attempts to defend himself. "Why would I want to look _your_ way? Not everything is gonna be about _you."_

_"...Huh?"_ Blond cocks his head, bangs falling into his eyes only to be brushed back with a strong hand. "Well, that goes without saying. But to me, and to pretty much everyone else; Everything concerning me _is_ about me. It's only natural. Everyone has priorities; And everyone has a _top_ one, too. Almost always, that one on top is _themselves."_

...This guy is _nothing_ like the others, actually.

And it has been a couple of minutes by now since Kyle's had a taste of liquor; But the philosophical attitude of this mystery-shrouded stranger is making Kyle's head spin more than the poison in his veins is.

Kyle struggles to form any good response...

"...I know your type." Kyle chooses to state in claim. Even though it turns out he _doesn't_ know Blond's type. Kyle originally _thought_ he did; But he decides to at least pretend he still thinks that way regardless. If he thinks it: Maybe the mantra will convince Kyle he does until _knowing_ **will** eventually become true. " _So say what you have to and leave."_

"Ahaha. _Okay."_ Air-like and calmly, Blond laughs. "I'll be blunt then, because it seems like you can handle it... _Are you into men_?"

_Exclusively_. Is the first thought that crosses Kyle's mind as to what he could say.

In the months Kyle's been drinking here, very few men have actually approached him. Each of which were never Kyle's type; Even for a quick lay.

Any other occasion, this conversation would by now already be over.

So to still be sitting here and, for the first time in over a year; To seriously consider having a one-night stand is surprising even Kyle.

Drinking alone without having any other sort of pastime _is_ getting kind of old...

And Kyle can't deny... Blond seems pretty interesting.

_And a great deal attractive._

Maybe it's the lay-it-on way this guy is putting everything, or maybe Kyle really does need to _'watch it'_ like the bartender had earlier suggested. But Kyle's never liked empty remarks to try and get him hot. He doesn't want to hear how toned he is or how perfect his complexion seems to a drunk: Because that all means _nothing_ if someone just wants _one-shot **sex.**_

So far, this Blond hasn't offered any such attempts; ... _And Kyle's kind of **liking** it_.

If Kyle will be complimented, he'll have to _work_ for it. 

But he can't jump the gun; _Not just yet._ He's already made a fool out of himself for being the first to start a conversation. (Although not with _words.)_

"If you have a brother that needs a plus-one or a buddy that wants a date, _fuck off."_ Kyle tries to make himself sound as **_uninterested_** as _possible._

**So that maybe it will put him in what looks like more demand--**

"Ahh, _Woooaaah there."_ Blond whistles until it turns into a dry laugh. His voice grows a pitch higher with his next sentence, as if he were apologizing. "I didn't mean to offend you! _Just say you're straight and I'll go."_

"I-I never said that." Kyle prolongs his feeble little try at mind games.

But not without at least a _little_ worry that maybe in doing that: _He's already screwed this up._

"...So you _do_ like men?" Kyle is asked.

"...Depends." Kyle whispers.

"...On?"

"The _'men'_ in question."

Blond shakes his head in a sigh. Smooth looking, tied-up hair falling over his shoulder. 

Kyle tries to read his body language, but it's hard to figure out what this man is thinking... _**Is** Kyle's reverse psychology working_? Is Kyle leading him on _correctly?_

"...Well I'm not _'men.'_ I'm _'man.'_ And I guess maybe you've had more to drink than I thought when I first sat here. Because you seem to be not understanding the _'question.'_ Or, you're _ignoring_ it _entirely."_

Blond gets to his feet, ready to walk away; And something possesses Kyle's arm to physically _reach out_ and stop him from leaving.

_\--No,_ **Don't go**... Not yet. _Not after you've so heavily gauged Kyle's interest..._

"If you want to get laid; Stop avoiding saying it out. It's hard for a drunk man to read into everything." In pure desiring _want,_ Kyle ends up losing his composure.

"...Well I maybe _could_ want that... But not with _you_ anymore." Blond's eyes drift down to Kyle's hand gripping his wrist. A strange look of shock and _worry_ are present in their shadowed, pale beauty.

"...I see just how drunk you are." He presses forward, but not without what Kyle thinks is hesitance in his wavering voice. "...Buzzed people laugh and say they're fine; Demanding they are sober. But if you _have_ had enough, even your own head can't deny the high. And _you_ just admitted it."

"S- _So?_ " Croaks Kyle.

"...I'm not comfortable with taking advantage of someone."

"Then why are you hitting on people in a _bar_ at _one in the morning?"_

"...No other place is open." Blond shrugs his shoulders, and Kyle can feel how smooth his skin is as it stretches beneath Kyle's touch. "...If I can't find someone sober enough to put my time into; I'll just deal with everything all myself--"

"O-Okay- _Okay_." Kyle's runs his free hand over his face to wipe away a slick sweat in stress. "But _hear me out._ If it's a one-night stand you want, _it doesn't matter_. There's nothing for you to regret; Because you'll _**never see me again.**_ There _is_ no _guilty conscience_ for you to spend time thinking over."

Kyle wants to blame the whiskey but he knows most of this is _himself_ talking.

"...Well... I... I _guess_ if you're a grown enough man to get yourself hammered at this hour alone... You're at _least_ expecting as much."

Oh, _Thank God_ \-- Yes... **Kyle's going to get what he wants.**

" _That's what I'm say--"_ Kyle starts before he is quickly interrupted.

"Is what I _would_ say if I wanted to get myself hurt. But I know you're drunk. And I don't want you coming after me in the long run if you do something you'll regret. Because after all; _The world revolves around **me** in my eyes."_

What? _...Nooo..._

"I-If... If you only care about _yourself_ then just get what you came for!" Desperation is making Kyle come to terms with a loneliness he had for _so_ long managed to set aside.

Kyle needs this now even _more_ than he lets on. "I can't get home easily tonight anyway. I couldn't tell you left from right; And I don't even know your name. There's _no **way**_ I could find you later."

This man-- _So Beautiful_ \-- hums in a moment of contemplation after hearing Kyle's plea.

"...My name is Forde." Eventually, he whispers, looking back at Kyle with a fog in his _soft_ -yet- _careful_ eyes.

Huh?

"...W-Why _tell_ me?"

"...So you _can_ have a way of finding me later."

_...Well_ then. Blond-- No, _Forde,_ must really be set on stopping whatever night could come from this now; Because giving him his name may as well be excuse to give him _nothing else._

"Shit, _fine."_ The hand that Kyle had been so haphazardly clinging onto Forde's sleeve with is released. " _I understand_ ; I don't like it when other people don't get the hint that I don't want to talk to them anymore, _either."_

Kyle turns his attention back to his drink. Somber thoughts of being bitterly alone begin to resurface again in his mind...

"A- _Are you stupid_?" Forde raises his voice. "...I changed my mind... _A_ _gain._ I'll take you to my place; But I had to tell you my name so it's only _partially_ just your fault if you find yourself in a situation you want to take back tomorrow morning. Now it will be mostly mine. _I'll have what's coming for me;_ So we'll be even."

So... Kyle _has_ convinced him?

"..."

"Can you walk yourself?" Forde asks, as he pats his warm hand over one of Kyle's shoulders.

"O-Of course!" Kyle snaps, turning back to Forde to get a glimpse of the almost cute little grin he now wears; Like he's found _amusement_ in the way Kyle's acting.

"Then _**get off** your **ass**_ **."** Forde's eyes skim up and down Kyle's figure as his smile widens.

_...Why does Kyle feel so self- **conscious** all of a sudden_? 

Will Kyle be good enough here...? Will he even be _capable_ of _getting_ any sort of compliment? Is this a good idea?

Groaning in agitation, Kyle gets himself up from the stool.

"...What should I call you?" Lingering a second with his fingertips on Kyle's arm, Forde finally turns away and walks a step ahead.

Kyle stares down the floor, waiting until it stops being so curvy and twisted. It was flat when he walked in...

And something tells him it's _more_ than alcohol that makes him feel so out-of-touch.

"I'm not gonna _tell_ you my name." Kyle whines under his breath.

He's already learned Forde's; And although it _has_ been a while since Kyle's slept with anyone, never has he went even as far as to learn all _t_ _hat._ One-night-stands aren't _Kyle._ They are Chris or Jake or... _whatever fake name he can come up with on the spot_. (They're never creative, but they don't _need_ to be.) Not to sever any follow up that might want to happen; But to disconnect the experiences from his own life entirely. Kyle already knows too much as of now. _Kyle hopes 'Forde' isn't a real name._

"Pfft, I figured. That's why I said ' _call'_ you." Forde chuckles as he trudges his feet forward on the pavement 

"I don't care..." Kyle sniffs.

"Well, then... You look like a-- _W_ _ait,_ car's this way." Forde turns to make sure Kyle's behind him. "... _As I was saying_. You look like--"

"Is this _your_ car?"

Kyle abruptly cuts him off, and realizes he never gets to hear any sort of alias. Or maybe he _did,_ but just can't recall if any false name was ever suggested out of Forde's mouth.

"Yeeeah." Forde says, partially drawn out.

Kyle blinks... " _Do you want a DUI?!"_

"I didn't drink anything." Forde looks so composed...

"What are you doing at a _bar?"_

"...I thought I _explained_ that." He says before exhaling a groan and throwing open the door to the driver's seat. "I didn't come here to get drunk like the sad-sack _you_ are."

* * *

Forde is a liar. _Everyone_ is, and he is not exactly proud of it.

Yet he is still doing what he knows he shouldn't.

The approach of telling others that he only cares about himself while he tries to start a conversation is _always_ just a line to get people interested in him.

It doesn't work, ... _hardly ever._

He may say he is on the top of his priority list, but he is only _saying_ that to protect what he feels is his own frail mentality. In fact, on that list of priorites, Forde is truthfully closer to the very _bottom._

Forde hates himself and all he is doing. 

The feeling of this stranger's hair against his jawline makes him all the more distraught. This _should_ be fine... There's nothing inherently _wrong_ with some no-strings-attatched action every once in a while. Especially if you're feeling kind of empty...

_Still,_ guilt washes over Forde with every inch of contact. Hot breath on his neck; Fingertips tracing the arches in his back; Teeth grazing his skin.

It all feels so _good,_ ...but _not in a good way._

Forde almost protests; Saying he's changed his mind again. Maybe this would be tolerable if Forde wasn't keeping hidden the fact that he actually _knew_ this guy's real name; Had heard the bartender say it a couple of times before he had went to sit alongside Kyle. But Forde's afraid that if he says anything about it, more will come from this than Kyle would want.

All Forde has to do is _pretend like he doesn't know_ , and then Kyle will leave in the morning. And eventually the name will be lost in his head forever over the course of a few weeks.

" _Really taking your time._.." Forde moans, caught in between huffs of arousal. Forde replays the thought of Kyle's surprising-looking, _desperate_ act from earlier in his head.

It's a statement, not a complaint. Typically, Forde would perceive this event to be screw-and-shoo. So this approach of marks being left on Forde's collar from Kyle's mouth and being held is _refreshing._ Even if it _is_ a little fucked-up.

"Is there some place you gotta be in the morning?" Kyle grunts into Forde's chest.

Kyle must have missed the lack of malice in what Forde had said; Because Kyle seems irritated. _"You_ dragged me out here; So I'm gonna make this worth my time."

_"_ N _-No._ Not at all." Forde explains as his hands roam over the muscles in Kyle's back. "No where..."

Just like Forde had thought Kyle would be when he had first showed interest in him, and went out of his way to talk to Kyle at the bar; Kyle is persistent and teeters a little on the more complex and _dominant_ side.

" _Then stop your whining_." Still, Kyle seems to not understand completely as he growls lowly.

The hand that Kyle was torn between wanting to use to caress Forde softly and also dig scratches into his skin is momentarily removed. Next, Kyle pats the pockets of his jeans. 

"Ahh, _Fuck."_ He mumbles. "Do you have a condom?"

"...Y-You've come _this_ far and don't have one _yourself?"_

Kyle shys away ever so slightly in defeat. "...I... I uh... I think I forgot my wallet at the bar..."

Oh. More _guilt--_ Kyle guy can't even place his belongings. And Forde's about to let him _fuck_ him. 

_It's_ _okay_. Forde mentally recalls. _I'll never see him again. It doesn't matter if he regrets this later on. He agreed to this._

...Why does Forde _really_ care so much about everyone else, _anyway?_

Honestly... Worrying so much is _ruining_ him. 

"Y-yeah... I have some." Still, though. Forde offers no verbal effort to put a stop to this.

Forde reaches for his bedside table for protection; And in the meantime Kyle goes back to bruising his neck with his teeth and undoing the buckle on Forde's belt.

Forde hates the fact, that at the end of it, when Kyle collapses on the other side of the bed and is taken by sleep; _Forde knows it was the best sex he's ever had_.

He's upset with himself, feels like he _has_ taken _some_ sort of advantage. Kyle just looked so inviting and needy, earlier on in the night. And it was hard for Forde to just say _no_ after Kyle had displayed interest himself... At first glance _, Forde knew Kyle would be able to show him **some** thing, and help him forget his anxieties..._

But all that is getting more difficult to think too much about; Because the painful afterglow of such an intense finish is enough to overshadow Forde's inner turmoil. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Am Once Again Procrastinating On Things I Need To Get Done In Order To Write Myself Stupid Shit

The sun shining through bent blinds wakes Kyle up.

The first thought to go through his mind is he feels _disgusting._ A heavy head and sweat-soaked body makes him want to burn away the sick.

The _second_ thought is that he remembers Forde's name.

_He didn't want to do that._

He grumbles as he makes an effort to sit up.

"Can I use your shower?" Kyle manages to ask, but not without a hint of reluctance.

Should he even have the nerve to _ask_ if he can use it? _Probably not._ But Kyle figures one more hour or two of sticking around isn't gonna kill anyone. _This will be the end_ , and he'll be on his way shortly.

Besides, Kyle doesn't want to walk back to the bar in his current disheveled state.

...Kyle doesn't even know how to _get_ home from here.

"Mmmm suureee." Half asleep, Forde slurs. 

"...Where is it?" Kyle turns to Forde beside him in the bed; Who currently lays curled up facing inward.

Throughout the night, Forde had done quite a bit of restless _tossing_ around. No matter how drained and exhausted Kyle was... All of _Forde's movements_ were hard to ignore.

More times than one, Kyle was tempted to pin Forde down and hold him still so he would stop disturbing Kyle's _already_ disturbed sleep.

"...Down the hall. On the left." Forde sighs almost peacefully while his eyes remain closed. He nestles his face and his long hair-- Which looked much more well- _kept_ last night, _before Kyle had gotten a hold of it_ \-- Deeper into his pillow.

"T-Thanks..."

Getting up from underneath the covers, Kyle follows Forde's directions quietly and carefully. Kyle can't be _too_ distruptive in waking up, if Forde's still _tired_ enough that he wants _more sleep..._

Kyle doesn't need to be too intrusive... Not after they've had almost heat of the moment and _i_ _mpulsive_ sex... and, hours later, _still_ Kyle is taking up this place with his presence which he feels certainly-- _At **this** point_\-- Must _now_ be _unwanted._

But sure enough, the shower is precisely where Forde told him it is.

A clearer head this morning lets Kyle intake the apartment that Forde occupies. It's not a _mess,_ but it _is_ well-lived.

A guy like _him_ doesn't strike Kyle as the type to be picking up random guys at a bar; But then again, he can't see _himself_ as a guy who _goes_ with people who pick up random guys at bars.

Stepping into the trickling water after he's turned the knob, Kyle realizes his options are limited; When it comes to shampoo. Forde seems to have a lot of different stuff; But for some reason it's all feminine or detangler.

Maybe if Kyle wasn't so out of it last night, he would have felt just how soft the hair he so roughly pulled actually _was._

"Strawberry...? ... _Christ."_ Kyle twists a bottle in his hand as he skims over the label.

Kyle mumbles, settling for this instead of a lavender fragrance. Neither one would make him feel like a man. (Which he usually wouldn't _care_ about, but he's frustrated with himself for getting put into this situation. It _has been awhile_ since he's done this, and honestly getting _laid_ shouldn't be prioritized where he stands... He needs to feel not _manly_ exactly, ...but _hu_ man.) 

So: _Strawberry it is._ Since Kyle knows at least that the latter would only make him tired; _A_ _nd he really needs to get home._

Unfamiliar shower. Unfamiliar walls; Kyle's company is never short of unwelcome. Everything else can only distract that last point from his life for so long, because the tranquility of warm water and overly-scented cosmetics leave him alone with his thoughts.

And he is just _so_ alone.

_He needs to get out._ To make sure he's not dragging Forde down any more than he's probably already done...

Maybe he really _shouldn't_ have asked to use his shower.

And by the time Kyle's freshened up, (Or at least as fresh as you can get, with having nothing to put on but yesterday's clothes.) Forde seems fully awake once Kyle returns; An arm carelessly draped over the side of his bed.

" _Help yourself_." Forde says sarcastically, not bothering to face Kyle as he's drying his hair with one of the towels he found in Forde's bathroom.

"...What?"

"I thought you'd be gone by now; But you're _using_ my hot water? The bill ain't cheap..." Forde says, sleep is still in his groggy tone of voice.

_Kyle was right_. He **_shouldn't_** still be here... But...

" _What the hell!_? I _asked_ you if I could use it!" Defensive, Kyle can't help but shout in confusion.

Even so, Forde shouldn't have _told_ him it was okay if he _wasn't okay with it._

"When?!" Forde turns, and he seems like an entirely different person from the one that relieved Kyle of so much physical stress late last night. Forde _now_ looks almost _panicked._

"Like, _t-twenty minutes ago_?" Kyle begins...

Let's see, here... Pants... Shirt... _N_ _o wallet... No keys..._

Kyle looks around in a rush. And if he's being honest, there's not much _stuff_ of his own here to collect.

"I-I asked you where it was and you even _told_ me." Kyle mumbles, as he struggles to dress himself.

"...Oh." Forde seems to calm his apparent anxiety just a notch. "S-Sorry... _I must have been half asleep_."

"If... If it's such a big deal I can _wash_ your God damned towels! And I can give you some money for the water. Oh and _how much does a handful of shampoo cost_!?"

Because the last thing Kyle needs is someone to be _upset_ with him here. 

"No, _no."_ Forde waves a hand in front of himself. "I was just joking. Dont... _Don't get **mad**_ **.** I was just surprised you hadn't left yet..."

"I'm almost done, I swear." Kyle stammers in shame. "Sorry if me being here was so _miserable."_

"That's-- _No."_ Forde states abruptly _._ "I just don't want you holding anything against me; Like I told you last night. The longer you stay, the more material you'll have to work with."

Forde's brow furrows in... is that... _concern?_

"...Pssh. Don't worry about _that."_ Kyle feels himself break into a sweat at the back of his neck _... What a waste of a shower._ "I wasn't as drunk as you _think_ I was. Besides, _Y_ _ou don't even know my name."_

"...Right." Forde swallows in visible anxiety.

_...Kyle passes it off as nothing._

"One more thing, though. I don't want to ask, but... could you tell me how to get to the bar from here?"

"...Can't you just _look it up?"_ Slowly, Forde's distraught look on his face eases.

"...I... Uh... Forgot my phone."

"Ah. _With the wallet_." Forde starts to blink, mockingly. His _b_ _ull_ sort of shit-eating grin returning from last night; That Kyle can't help but conclude he _is_ at least a _bit_ attracted to.

"Uh, _yeah."_ Kyle thinks he may be blushing. His face is warm. _**What a waste of a shower.**_

Forde rolls out from under his sheets, pulling a pair of sweatpants on and not even bothering to tie the drawstring. The wasitband hangs dangerously loose on his cut-out hips...

The top half of Forde's body is entirely exposed; And with it every scrape and spot Kyle had so thoughtlessly made in the dark of night a few hours ago.

"Do you want me to draw you a map?" Forde asks loudly... Almost with pride. " _Like it's 1993 or some shit?"_

"If it isn't too much trouble..."

Forde snorts, but grabs a pad and pencil from the corner of his room. 

The place is not filthy, as previously stated; But this particular corner is almost covered from top to bottom with _stuff_. Stuff Kyle doesn't know why _anyone_ would _need._

"All right." Forde announces, walking over closer to Kyle so that Kyle can get a view of over his shoulder. _"_ You... are... _here."_

A square with a triangle on top to signify a house is made out. In it, an unnecessary little smiley-face is also added.

And the rest is drawn the same, with landmarks anyone from or even _not_ from the area would easily recognize. 

...It shouldn't take him long to make it back to the bar, Kyle thinks as Forde rips the page out and hands it to him after he's folded it twice.

Forde was surprisingly more thorough with this than he needed to be; Confirming Kyle would know where to go after he's made it down specific blocks.

...Forde must _really_ want to get rid of him.

Kyle watching his instructions so closely allowed him to get a whiff of Forde's scent; Sweat, sex, and even a faint hint of lavender. Kyle is reminded that he probably smells almost identical now, and can only wonder again why some _grown man_ like Forde would choose to wash his hair with such sweet-smelling products.

"Do you have a girlfriend or something?" Kyle blurts out in question; Feeling one last touch of the heat in Forde's hands as the paper is now in his possession.

...It's not like there is any shame in asking. _This is the end_. It's not like asking would be getting in Forde's way; Not when Kyle's just about ready to leave for good.

"H-Huh?" Forde stutters, as his eyes widen.

And finally sober enough to see how almost golden they are with hints of green, Kyle can't help but question again how Forde has such fair hair and eyes: Yet such dark, _alluring_ eyelashes.

"W- _Why!?"_ Forde squeals in a poor attempt at hiding being flustered.

"Well..." Kyle ponders word choice. "Because all of your soap smells like a girl."

"...Oh. Y- _Y_ _eah."_ A strange wave washes over Forde then, _and Kyle can't figure out what it is_. "I don't... I'm just high maintenance."

Great... _Forde doesn't have a girlfriend._.. That means no real, _irreversible_ harm has been done here on Kyle's behalf.

...And hearing that _absolutely_ doesn't make Kyle feel _any_ ounce of strange, added relief.

Nope.

_None at all._

"...Good." Finally, Kyle can be on his way. "I wouldn't want to be the cause for some broken relationship to snap completely."

* * *

The door shuts in front of Forde, and he feels so much all at once.

...Forde _wishes_ he had a _'girlfriend or something'._ Maybe then he wouldn't have to balance so much self-loathing and work onto the same scale everyday.

To feel like he just got slapped in the face back to reality by some _stranger_ gets on his nerves. Last night was to take his mind _off_ of stress; Not **_cause_** _new ones._

Forde remembers, _he has two deadlines coming up;_ One for Monday and one for Thursday.

For the both of them, he has hardly scratched the surface on either.

And the messages on his phone are accumulating by the day, all from the same person.

_When are you going to start focusing on what's useful?_

_Why can't you be as thoughtful as your brother?_

_You need support from someone else, settle down if you have to._

_Look for a real paying and secure job._

Of course they aren't _intentionally_ ill-mannered. Of course his father is in his own way just _worried_ about making sure Forde's successful... But they always play the same, and Forde knows each hold a level of **_reason_** in _why_ they are full of this concern...

So after a while, Forde stopped bothering to listen to them.

...The wash has piled up; His clothes, sheets and towels. He doesn't have to get them done _now_ but he certainly needs to get them done before he goes to bed tonight.

"Maybe I _should_ have made him do my laundry..." Forde muses to himself as he remembers Kyle's earlier offer; Forde makes his way down the hall of his apartment.

But at least now Kyle won't be wasting more of his own time by choosing to skip out on washing Forde's clothes... _Forde's been plenty annoying to Kyle already._

Forde turns the dial of his shower, only to remember how long it takes to warm up after someone else has used it.

This has never been an issue, because if no one else but him is here to use it: There's nothing for Forde to have to work around.

But, today...

_Forde has to wait._


	3. Chapter 3

Counting spare change with a thumb in one palm; Kyle kicks open the door.

The opposite hand is preoccupied with a basket of laundry.

Entering through its frame; The bell on the door rings behind him as Kyle reaches the conclusion that no: He _doesn't_ have enough quarters. He will have to pay with cash; Which is not ideal, since the tab at the bar he just cleared his name from this morning already left an ugly dent in his pocket.

_...Quiet today_. Kyle thinks to himself in solitude. Saturday afternoons are always surprisingly slow here.

_Or maybe most people can just afford a washer and dryer nowadays._

But he can't complain. It makes the trip and work done here less stressful--

But just like that, as he is prematurely grateful for assuming he has some peaceful time to just _think;_ The ambient silence of coins singing their song and water turning wash is interrupted.

"I thought you said I didn't have to worry about you finding me..."

And Kyle shouldn't recognize the voice, because he has only heard it a total of once in his life; But that one time was only a few hours ago. _So it is clearer than daylight._

Kyle dares to look up from the change he had been counting, praying maybe he imagined it all...

Kyle isn't lucky enough for that, and sitting at the line of cracked, plastic chairs running along the window; _I_ _s Forde._

Kyle takes a step back; Body reacting for his head. _Run and turn tail,_ is what he wants to do... There is another laundromat just down the street; He could go there instead. The machines at that one are a tad more pricey and the atmosphere more bleek, _but he'd live_.

How much of a coward would Kyle look like if he did _that,_ though? He has no _reason_ to leave; This place is for public usage. _Besides,_ Kyle has already been seen. _Not much to turn back on now._

Clearing his throat; Kyle gathers what little composure he has. He debates whether he should easily just say nothing or make the effort to actually respond. As he makes his way over to the washing machine furthest away from where Forde sits, Kyle realizes Forde has his arms in the front of his sweatshirt's center pocket. His legs are spread out in front of him: Like he was _lounging_ here or something.

When Kyle opts to say nothing, _at least for now_ ; Forde finds it in himself to talk to him again and break the silence that Kyle was trying to maintain... As if they were close-enough _friends_.

"What's the change for?" Forde asks after he watches Kyle put his insufficient amount of quarters back into his pocket, and instead reach for a couple of dollar bills.

" _I don't have enoug_ h." Kyle groans in reply, through gritted teeth and muffled by facing the opposite direction.

"If you're short a few 25 cents, I have some." Forde informs.

"Jeez... _No thanks._ It's _two_ 25 cents-es I'm short of, anyway."

"Eh, I have two quarters--" Offers Forde, all kind and _helpful._

But to Kyle, _Forde sounds_ _full of condescending **shit.**_

"And one load only _costs_ two dollars. That's a _fourth_ of the entire price... _Do I look like a charity case!?_ "

Kyle likes to think he does a good job of not looking like one on the outside, but on the inside he _is_ admittedly strapped for cash.

He doesn't want other people to _know_ this; _So a sleazy 50 cents is making him angry._

_"No...?"_ Forde asks, questioningly; A little offended at Kyle's harsh tone. "But the look on your face when you didn't have enough change tells me spending _bills_ on a single load of laundry isn't something you _want_ to do."

"Well, then learn to _read_ better. Because whatever _look_ on my face you saw..." Frustrated, Kyle sighs as he considers just what he's going to have to _sit_ through for the forseeable future while his clothes wash. "... _W_ _asn't about not having enough money._ "

After his laundry is started, Kyle takes a seat himself. He can't bring himself to sit _too_ far away; _That'd make him look nothing more than **rude**_ **.** But if he sits too _close_ to Forde... Well... He knows _that's_ not a good idea, _either._

Kyle decides to leave just one, single, empty chair between the two of them.

But... Of all the days, why did _no one **else**_ have to be here? Of all the days, why did they have to come here on the _exact_ same one at the _exact same **time?**_

...It's a small world.

_**Too** small._

"So, you're saying it's bullshit _coincidence_ you found me here?" Forde asks as he squints. "And that _look_ was a look of dissapointment from seeing _me_?"

_"Ding ding ding."_ Kyle confirms, annoyed.

Forde looks skeptical "...Are you certain?"

_"Absolutely."_ Why isn't Forde taking his word as truth? ...Just because Forde's good looking and was decent company, doesn't mean Kyle would _go out of his way_ to _further_ get in between Forde's personal life. "... _I_ come here every week. I've never seen you around here; So I think if _anyone_ is making an effort, it's _you_."

"Wow, _fair._ Okay. You're right; I _don't_ come here regularly. That's because I can _do_ the majority of my laundry at my apartment. But the comforter is too big, so it doesn't get dry in the dryer. And I don't have a place to _hang_ it, either..."

Forde grins, pausing before hitting Kyle with the rest of his comeback.

"But, _actually,_ when I put it _that_ way it gets me thinking." Forde continues, and something like a flirtatious energy is laced in his words... "I only _have_ to wash it about once or twice a month normally, but today... That's a _different_ story."

So smug; Forde looks. Like he thinks he's really hit Kyle where it hurts. Or... _something._

"Are you trying to bring this back around to _me?"_ Kyle crosses his arms and leans back into his chair. He wasn't prepared for _this_ type of conversation: _He ought to at least make himself comfortable._

"Indirectly... **_Y_ _es."_** Forde continues to appear nothing more than striking and tempting. Stunning and carefully intelligent.

_"...Unbelievable."_ Kyle rolls his eyes.

Kyle knows he's losing something here. What that _'something'_ is, ... _He isn't exactly sure_. "I told you I should have just washed your damn towels. Would have saved _you_ the trip, and me the discomfort of having to _see_ you again."

Forde raises his eyebrows. _Still unconvinced._

Kyle can't blame him. _Kyle hasn't even convinced himself._

"How do you figure that?" Forde blinks, batting his eyelashes in pretend-innocence. "If you had washed the towels, you'd still have to bring them back to me. So, in _any_ scenario: We'd end up seeing each other again... _And I think it's better if it's **here."**_

"I don't." Kyle still tries arguing. "Here, I'm stuck for awhile. If I brought them to your door; _I would leave right away."_

Forde laughs, taking a handful of his hair and pulling it back into a bun. He looks like the embodiment of a lazy wash day, because that's exactly what _today_ is.

"...And If I offered you to come in and get something to drink for running my errands, would you _still_ leave?"

...

A joke... _It's **gotta** be._

_"_ F- _Fuck yes!"_ Kyle scrambles to say as quickly and as sure-of-himself as he can manage. _"_ If I did your laundry it would be because I _owed_ you for letting me use your shower. _The debt would be paid in full_. I don't want to add _more_ to it!"

Forde licks his lips. And Kyle can practically _feel_ how Forde's charming green eyes _judge_ him over; Following up... and down. _Slowly._

_"You're funny..."_ Forde laughs that _cooing_ sigh Kyle has noticed Forde seems to do quite a bit. "Although I don't think you're _trying_ to be. _No._ The drink offered isn't for the **_chores_** _completely,_ ...but it's a silent thank you for _everything else."_

Oh no...

_Kyle knows he's staring..._

_"...How can you say that in public with a straight face?"_ Tries Kyle, uncommitted _._

"Hmm? _What?"_

"I-Imply that..." Kyle trails off, not wanting to have to _say_ it...

Forde's eyes light up. 

"Exactly! _Imply."_ Forde shifts in his chair, and the collar of his shirt starts to hang a little further; Further enough to where Kyle can see discoloration on his skin... A discoloration Kyle knows he _himself_ was the one to put there.

Kyle has to physically _pry_ his eyes from where they drifted.

"You're _inferring_ that I meant the sex." Forde smirks, acting like this is a _joke._

Even though it was **_obvious_** and a **_given_** that _Forde meant **nothing other** than the **sex.**_

Kyle realizes his face is warm. "D-Don't _say it so loud!"_

Forde leans into the armrest on his chair, just a little bit closer to Kyle... "Calm _down,_ no one else is here!"

He seems to be having _fun_ in **_laughing_** at Kyle...

_Sheesh._

"For _now."_ Kyle admits... Okay. Maybe he was, _at first_ , overreacting. "But I see single moms bring their kids in here _all_ the time. Not sure why, because there's nothing for a brainless toddler to do but watch machines spin... I'm used to it, but how are _you_ not bored to tears?"

Forde ponders as he forces a frown to hide how he wants to smile; Raising a single eyebrow in thought.

He's definitely _some_ sort of cute...

_God._

"...I was, _at first_... I mean; These magazines are like _six months old_." Forde jabs a thumb over his shoulder towards a stack of print on a wobbly table behind him. "...But then _you_ showed up. And while I _almost_ reacted in fight or flight-- _I froze..._ To be honest; _Kinda glad about that,_ because you're more fun to talk to than your appearance suggests."

Forde smiles, and this time it seems affectionate and... _geniune...?_

Is... _Is that a **compliment**_ **?** Kyle wonders. Or... _The **opposite**_ **?**

And then out of no where: _Forde's phone goes off._ And simply taking it from your pocket and looking at it shouldn't be such a _daunting_ task, But when he does he looks downright _pissed_ about it.

...And Kyle can't help it; Forde has his screen blindingly bright, so he sees that the number calling Forde isn't saved as a contact.

Yet Forde stares at the accept-- And over to the decline-- And back over to the accept like he _knows who it is anyway_.

In the end, Forde doesn't pick up.

"Not gonna answer it?" Kyle grins, biting back an amused laugh of his own.

_"No."_ ...The cute smile from earlier is now suddenly wiped from Forde's face.

Oh no... _That kind of hurts to see._

...Is Kyle feeling guilt? Is _that_ what this tight feeling in his chest is right now?

Kyle makes an offer out of _pure human decency_ and respect amidst his worry. " _I'll go outside if-_ -" 

Yet he can't finish his suggestion; Because Forde is upset enough to cut him off.

_"You_ have nothing to do with it. I don't care if you _hear_ anything or... _W_ _hatever._ I just don't want to talk to who was calling me." Forde locks the screen, shoving it back into his pocket. "In a few seconds, _I'll just get a message anyway."_

And then the mailbox tone rings, almost scheduled.

"...Are you being harrassed?" Kyle can't help but ask; Can't help but jump to conclusions. "Is that why you were so adamant about me having nothing to do with you? Are you afraid it will happen _again?"_

If the real reason Forde's so set on pushing Kyle away _actually_ has _nothing to do_ with _Kyle_ doing something wrong... 

Then... _Maybe..._

No... _Kyle shouldn't be getting ahead of himself here._

Forde clicks his tongue as he side-eyes Kyle. _"No._ I just didn't want to get myself hurt in _your_ case... But here I am now, just _saying_ more than I should to you. I don't want to get in anyone's _way..._ But..."

" _You already have?"_

"...Y-Yeah."

So... Forde's just upset with _himself...?_

"...Sorry." Kyle offers. A tinge of sadness is in his voice. 

Forde flinches, startled. He holds his hands in front of him as if to beg otherwise. Probably feeling a degree of guilt just as Kyle had. " _I-I... I didn't mean **you**_ **!"**

Why does Forde look so desperate in saying this? Forde keeps saying how self-absorbed he is, but the way he _acts_ indicates he feels otherwise.

"I just meant _my_ life over-all! D-Don't _apologize,_ ...Not... _Not unless you want to make it up to me..."_ Forde mumbles this last part, seemingly ashamed.

_"What!?"_ Kyle panics, as this almost _thrilled_ -sounding one-word question leaves him.

So.. _._ Forde... **_does_** want... _more..._ to do with Kyle _after_ all?

_"Ah Ah Ha!"_ Forde tries. And it's _not real laughter_. It's forced and painful and even Kyle can see this. "A joke!"

_Kyle doesn't think it was a joke._

Kyle... almost... _hopes_ it wasn't a joke.

"I... guess _one_ more night wouldn't hurt."

_Please,_ Kyle. _Don't sound too excited here_. Don't let it show...

Please, _please_ sound reluctant, Kyle... Don't sound _too_ desperate. _At least to Forde._

_"It was a joke!_ Don't take me seriously; _No_ _one_ does!" Forde is pleading, and these begging cries remind Kyle of himself from only a night ago.

But none of Forde's pleas are either a solid yes or no... No obvious answer to what Forde _really_ wants...

**Kyle decides not give up.**

"Well _I_ don't know you, so I have no _way_ of knowing if you're being serious or not."

At that, the gears in Forde's head visibily start turning like the cycle in a nearby washing machine.

_Obviously_ Forde probably meant it as a mere joke, but he had to have _some_ reason for suggesting it in the first place.

"' _Debt would be payed in full_ ' my **_ass."_** Forde finally decides, bitterly. "Because now you're going to put _more_ on your plate. And saying no would be harder today; Because no longer are you drunk, and I _now_ know just how _good_ you really are in bed."

Good...?

_Kyle tries not to happily dwell on that._

"...Is that a yes?" Kyle asks so that he is one hundered percent _positive_ Forde has agreed.

"I guess so! Because I _am_ in a shitty mood lately."

"F-Fine!"

_"Fine."_ Forde certainly has agreed.

Kyle starts mumbling incoherent nonsense under his breath, and even he doesn't know what it is he's saying.

If it was closure Kyle needed for a door that never even opened in the first place: _He was going to get it._

Nothing more is left needed to say until their clothes are done; So Kyle checks the time on his phone. He knows it's probably only been somewhere between ten to 20 minutes since he's sat down, but he needs _something_ to save him from the stale air and increasingly awkward enviornment.

Bad move. Because Forde decides to _comment_ on this and make it _more_ awkward.

"I see you got your phone back."

_"Yep..."_ Kyle at least answers, unenthused.

"How about your wallet?" Forde taps his foot. Anxious and maybe personally prefering small talk over strange silence. "Get that back, too?"

"Yeah, but I can't say if everything I had in it is still there... I kinda forget how much money I had at the beginning."

"Think someone took some? Then you wouldn't be so distraught over a simple _two_ dollars."

"No, _I still would."_ Kyle assures.

And he wishes Forde would just _shut up_ for a few minutes. Kyle doesn't need to know anymore about Forde than he already is learning.

_Because it means Kyle is now also learning too much about Kyle **himself.**_

"What do you need two bucks for? A BJ?"

But it looks like Forde _hates_ silence. He will _not_ let it happen.

"Is that how much they go for in this economy...?" And yet, _Kyle keeps responding and learning **more**_ **.**

Learning that-- For **_some_** reason-- Kyle can't keep himself from indulging in this dumb conversation. "That's too cheap... _That's gotta be wrong_."

"...Mental note to start a new budget plan?"

"Why would you even _say_ that?" Actually, _Forde's got **all** of Kyle's attention,_ now. This is some _ridiculous_ banter. "If I want someone to blow me I'll charm them with my _**average** looks_ and... _**arrogant** personality. _Worked on you... _Sort of..."_

"Oh my _God."_ Forde laughs in denial _. "Did not."_

It's a nice _, soothing_ little laugh. Instead of the anger Forde's face showed when he had picked up his phone to check the call.

_...Kyle wouldn't exactly **hate** seeing that smile again._

_"Third base_ or _fourth?"_ Still _indulging_ here, Kyle jokes along with Forde. Only _half-_ heartedly, of course _. Again..._ Kyle can't be doing this _interested_ -in-someone thing to himself _._ "Who cares! It's all the same when we're dead and gone."

Forde has to compose himself from laughing before he returns with something himself; He runs his hand over his face in exasperation.

But that means Kyle gets to see that _smile_ again after Forde does this... _Cute._

...But Kyle's _totally not interested._

"Ahh, _No._ Actually, I heard it from the grapevine that there's a sex-counter after you hit the fan. Like, Tallies up all of it. Yeah, You may have _let loose_ on me, but you missed a _perfect_ opportunity for two birds with one stone."

"That's not even _remotely_ funny." Kyle says this, trying so hard to not engage completely. But the way Forde seems almost _convincing_ earns a smirk out of him.

"Then why are you laughing?!" Forde leans closer, trying to force and earn a _real_ smile out of _Kyle._ Or maybe just trying to _find_ it and make it easier to see from where he sits.

Because Kyle knows... _It's already there_.

"I'm _not!_ And even if I _was:_ It's not because you're funny." Kyle tries. "I'm laughing because you're _stupid."_

"So you _are_ laughing?" Forde props his head on his knuckles as he teases Kyle more thoroughly. His _cute_ smile turns crooked.

_"Maybe."_ Kyle finally admits it _._ "But don't make me do it any more... _Or we're gonna have problems."_

**_Serious_** problems. Kyle can't be laughing at shitty jokes from a one-nighter... _Soon to be **two.**_

Any _more_ laughing, and it might end up at _three._

_..._

The thought causes Kyle to mentally punch himself in the face. **_Three!?_** He hasn't even gotten to _two_ just yet! What the _hell_ is he thinking!?

"Why problems?" Forde doesn't seem to catch on to what Kyle's thinking. "Laughing's good for you. And _yo_ _u_ look like the type to need more of it; Judging by that resting- _bitch_ face of yours."

Wh-What? _That's_ what Forde thinks of--!?

"I don't have--! W _-Wh-W_ _hatever."_ Who's Kyle kidding. _He kinda does have resting-bitch face. "_ Just... Do you _seriously_ not understand why I don't want to be laughing at your _bad_ jokes?"

"... _I_ _don't."_ Forde stretches his arms over his head, resting the back of his head on his palms. 

In doing this, Forde's shirt rides up ever-so-slightly.

Kyle feels like he's finally won something here: Nonetheless, a _tied_ matchpoint because he manages to resist the _very difficult **urge**_ to glance down.

"Cut the crap." Not wanting to fall back and lose, Kyle maintains perfect eye contact. " _You know."_

"Hmm?" Forde brings his chin in his hand. He's a smart-ass... " _Afraid of falling in love with me_?"

_...Yeah,_ actually. 

Kyle is afraid of falling in love with _anyone._ All of it is _stupid;_ Love, marriage, _any_ sort of committed relationship. Why should Kyle want to care about others when he can't even take care of _himself?_

_He can **not** fall in love with Forde. _

Kyle _will **not.**_

One of the washing machines beeps and interrupts him; Just as Kyle is readying his open mouth to deny Forde and inform him that _that_ would _**never happen.**_

_"Shiiit."_ Forde jumps up; Kind of singing along with the tune of the machine's sound in a hum. _**"Halfway there!"**_

Not really... The dryer usually takes longer than the washer. And as Kyle can't keep his gaze off of Forde, he sees how it's not _only_ his covers and sheets that Forde's stuffing in there. But also a handful of other assorted articles.

It might even take _two_ loads to dry by.

Providing an even longer amount of time to have to waste; Providing even more time to just _sit_ here and have nothing else to do except _talk with Kyle._

"How long have you been here before I arrived?" Kyle asks... Maybe even somewhat thankful that last conversation was dropped the way it was.

If it's not too long, Kyle'll have to swap his clothes for the dryer soon, _too._

"Dunno..." Forde replies between changing a few settings on the dial. "Maybe like... _nine_ minutes?"

"Pretensious..." Kyle scoffs. "Just say _ten..._ Ever learn how to round in school?"

"The only _rounding_ I ever learned was making rounds on the courses in Mario Kart Double Dash." Forde shouts over his shoulder.

"I don't think you used that saying in the right context..." 

"I don't care. Because..." Forde turns around after finally shutting the lid and starting it.

He put a few dryer sheets in it, and Kyle makes a face because those are just an absolute _waste of money._

"I'd rather have learned from Blue-Shelling my way to first place than learning from enough _rounds_ at a late-night bar that I'll be waking up in a stranger's bed."

...For some reason, Forde's joking attitude... Doesn't seem quite as much of a ' _j_ _oke'_ this time.

"I-..." Kyle stumbles in response. 

"Don't make fun of my way of putting things. You're probably thinking of a way to say ' _Yeah, but **you** were the one who picked **me** up_.' Or _'It was **your** bed_.' And to that, I say it's _always_ that way. I don't go where I'm not welcome..." Forde trails off before finishing his thoughts.

"I can pick up sometimes. _Yeah._ But I've never let anyone else do that to _me._ I don't get so drunk I leave my phone and credit card at a place where drug-addicts could steal my identity. And I _certainly_ don't place my blind-trust in some poorly-drawn _map_ that could have been deliberately drawn wrong in order to fuck up my day... _J_ _ust_ because the cartographer might feel like havin' a little fun."

...Kyle knows he always has needed a _proper_ wake-up call.

He had wanted it to come from his parents. _O_ _r even his sister_. Not the pity-money he gets from them by check every month.

Never do they ask him how his job-search is going, or what he even spends the money they give him _on._ (While the sum should be getting smaller over time, it actually grows. ' _We love you so much_.' The letter is always signed. They still think he's spending their hard earned cash on a better lifestyle. Maybe that's where he **_gets_** his _'blind-trust'_ from.)

Kyle can't even _try_ and hide the upset on his face, because hearing _this_ from _this **guy** _is _debilitating._

Forde-- After seeing he said too much-- Scrambles with something better to say.

It's clear to Kyle that Forde's only trying to overcompensate for himself with _some_ sort of bargaining here, and that what he said wasn't _meant_ to put _Kyle_ through so much; But the words honestly hit far too close to home. 

"Oh shit, I didn't mean to _upset_ **you.** _I was just fucking around--"_

"No, _I'm glad you did."_

"Shhhh, _no._ Nothing against _you!_ I was just trying to make _myself_ feel better."

Just like Kyle assumed... Forde is actually _far_ from self-centered.

"Well. _Did it work?"_

"Not even close... Now I just feel like an asshole."

"Well... uh, _don't."_ Kyle shakes his head. "If you were an asshole, you would have told me to walk 10 miles in the opposite direction when you drew me that map."

Kyle gives a wry smile to show he's not offended.

...But he doesn't like how this is all only piquing his interest and concern for Forde even _more._

"Wow. Well, I _thought_ about doing that. _No_ _t gonna lie."_ Forde mumbles; Maybe trying to make the situation lighter with a forced laugh.

"Just means you chose the right decision. So you're _not_ an asshole..." Kyle blinks in deep thought. "A-Actually? _S_ _cratch that._ That's what you _should_ have done. I wouldn't have made it here this early if your directions did that: And I never would have found _you_ again."

"The butterfly flaps its wings..."

"Mmm..." Kyle lays his head on the glass behind the chair.

If one little thing could change _everything..._ What will come from the decisions he's _about_ to make?

"By the way..." Forde starts at a hesitant whisper. "If it will cheer you up from the shit I just said; You still DTF later?"

"...Uh--" Alright. The _abruptness_ of this question honestly _throws Kyle off._

Forde goes to elaborate on what he was asking. _"--Down to Forde."_

...Wow.

_Creative._

Shit. _Kyle's smiling again._

"... _You use **that** often_?" 

"Only all the time..." Forde seems to soften up his stress. " _Hasn't done me any good yet."_

Sighing, Kyle lets Forde know: "...There's a first for everything." 


	4. Chapter 4

This morning, Forde isn't in his own bed; and Kyle wakes up all alone with no feeling of hands accidentally brushing his back or feet kicking him behind his knees.

Kyle's confused at first, thinking maybe Forde had some urgent business he needed to get done immediately. But that is all cleared up when Kyle rolls over onto the side where Forde should be; Realizing _Forde's still in the same room._

Amidst his pile of _stuff,_ Forde is leaned over a desk, not even seated in a chair; Rapidly sketching something out.

"Another map? Gonna lead me to a desolate land this time?" Kyle jokes.

_"Shut up!"_

_"Okaaay..."_ Was there something wrong with what Kyle said? "...Sorry."

"Stop talking! I'm busy. Go... _Go take a shower or something_." Forde shoos Kyle away with his arm; Not even looking back.

"This one _...This should work."_ The last part Forde whispers under his breath, as he holds a sheet out in front of himself to get a better view of the sketch he just threw together.

_Another_ shower here!? Kyle thinks, perplexed. This time he didn't even need to be the one to _ask_ if he could take one.

Instead Forde _tells_ him to.

_...This is going too far_. The more time spent here; The deeper Kyle's interest will invest itself.

But Kyle doesn't know how to say no. _He gets the feeling he'd get yelled at if he declined._ So he decides to listen to Forde telling him to go take a shower.

_This_ time, lavender seems like an interesting, fresh, and _new_ choice...

But the water is freezing today; Kyle notes after he's tested it beneath the tips of his fingers. 

Kyle turns his head to face the direction of Forde's bedroom; Back over to this shower he _already_ has a vivid picture-perfect memory of: Because the last time he's used it was _only just yesterday._

_He has a choice_. Kyle contemplates... _Just leave_ , especially since the water is so undesirable today...

Or stick around a little while and prolong his presence here: _Courtesy of a time consuming shower._

Basically... Should he use the cold _water;_ Or go back to the _cold demands_ he was just issued by Forde's irritable morning attitude?

He shivers at the thought of upsetting Forde any more than he probably already has: And _then_ in the end shivers at the decision to ultimately wash himself in the ice cold temperature of freezing rain.

Kyle takes his time; As unpleasant as it is. Less is going through his head this morning. Nothing has really _changed_ in the last 24 hours. He's still _unemployed,_ still has a severe lack of _emotional bonds,_ crippling _responsibilities..._

_Still hates himself for how unworthy he feels he is..._

But _today..._ Kyle feels better. For _some_ reason. Even though cold water doesn't give the same relief to sore muscles that warm does, and _had_ just yesterday.

More prepared today; Kyle even has a set of new clothes and a way to get directly home. Fully dressed; Though he _still_ uses linen that doesn't belong to him in order to dry his dense hair.

He hadn't thought _that_ far ahead in that he would also need to dry off, so he didn't bring a towel of his own.

_Hopefully Forde won't be mad._

Kyle's unsure if he should comment on this coming back into the bedroom. (Maybe he even could ask if **this** time: He really _should_ wash Forde's laundry.)

But before he has the time to offer, Forde speaks up after he's heard Kyle's footsteps.

"...Sorry for lashing out earlier." Forde tells Kyle with a soft breath.

In front of Forde now is a decently sized canvas; Which Kyle knows wasn't there before. If Kyle takes into consideration how much time he has been in Forde's presence over the span of the last couple of days, and how he hasn't seen the thing up until now; Forde most likely only began working on what looks to be a painting in progress _just_ this _morning._

After Forde's apologized, he raises his voice to explain a little more. "I was just scared before that I wouldn't have time to finish this; But I've got the initial dread out of the way. So I shouldn't have any problems from here."

It's... kind of _impressive,_ actually. Kyle can make out what's going on in it. All from nothing more than just shakey penciling and a thin layer of backdrop color.

"Did your landlord turn your heat off...?" Kyle asks, mind somewhere else in a confused and all-around daze.

"...That's illegal?" Forde sounds just as confused.

_Maybe he's even a little bit entertained._

Kyle's not sure why. _It was a question_. Not a joke _._

_"...So?_ I'm positive some do it anyway."

Forde shakes his head a tad from side to side. "...Why do you ask?" 

"Your water was cold."

The brush in Forde's hand pauses as he realizes something. Forde brings it to hold in his mouth while he takes a pencil he had tucked behind his ear in order to refine some lines in the foreground of his work.

_"Oops."_ Forde says _. Laughing._ Maybe regretting having told Kyle to get himself cleaned up. But it's a little too late for regrets, there. _"_ I forgot it takes so long to heat up. I mean, _I_ just used it. So it _shouldn't_ be turned off; I have yet to not be able to pay my rent... But If I don't get this _done, that might not hold steady."_

So painting is Forde's... _job?_

"You're an artist?" Kyle blurts out, accidentally. His blatant, personal thirst for _knowledge_ getting the better of him.

He shouldn't be so enthusiastic in asking... _He doesn't have a place in Forde's **normal** life..._

But now... _He's definitely **curious.**_

"...Yeah, a _freelance_ artist." Forde confirms, muffled through the brush in his mouth before he reaches for it to once more hold in his hand. "So if this isn't ready for my client tomorrow: **I'm in deep shit."**

"T- _Tomorrow!_?" Kyle stutters. _Shocked._

Forde turns to face Kyle, biggest sarcastic grin Kyle's ever seen plastered on his face. "Correct!" He says with a hint of malice in his voice. Not because he's mad at Kyle, exactly...?

_But because he's in trouble._

"And you only started it _today!?"_

If this is his **_paying_** _job;_ Why would he do that to himself? He's putting himself through so much stressful _haste--_

"Plans change." Forde shrugs, returning his focus to his work. "It slipped my mind... _Something **else**_ came up."

Oh.

Shit.

It _**is**_ Kyle's fault. 

"M-My bad...I'll just--" _Kyle should leave_. He didn't want to get in the way of Forde's personal life. But that's _exactly_ what he's doing. _This is bad._

Kyle's gone too far. He's really done it now. Kyle's managed to-- In the span of _just two_ nights-- _ruin Forde's--_

_"Hold on."_ Forde turns around yet again to look at Kyle; Wiping blue-gray paint from his face. The desaturated color really brings out the shine of bronze and gold specks in Forde's eyes... "It's not _your_ fault I have poor time management."

"B-B-But if it doesn't get done: You just _admitted_ you won't be able to pay your rent." Kyle stretches his arms at his side; Talking with more body language than he knew he needed in order to convey his point. "I'm standing here, having _just_ used your resources two days in a row. And I can't say I'd feel _good_ about that."

"Eh... If I don't finish my work here: 'I won't be able to pay my rent...?' _That's_ the thing you're worried about?" Forde questions, before admitting and accepting what he claimed himself as an intimidating truth. "Well... **Yeah.** _P_ _robably."_

Forde scratches his forehead with his thumb. "But what then? I'll just lose that particular client. And... any potential new customers they know. And any one, _they,_ know. **And so on...** So I have no choice but to just finish it! Even then, there _is_ no guaruntee they will like it. Payment doesn't mean _anything_ when your entire career rides on performance."

Forde doesn't seem upset, but to Kyle that sounds **preeetty** upsetting and _scary--_

"Then why'd you let me--!" Kyle bickers yet again; Still unable to focus his thoughts anywhere else other than how he knows this is _his own fault._

_No matter how Forde tries to tell him otherwise._

_"--I told you I **forgot!**_ But it's _fine._ It's not _this_ one I'm worried about." Forde interrupts, raising his voice to get through to Kyle. "This is for an old woman who lost her husband a few months back. I wouldn't feel _ecstatic_ if she wasn't happy with it, but I don't think she'd give me _too_ much crap if she wasn't _100_ percent satisfied."

"Oh. Okay..." That's a _huge_ weight off of Kyle's chest.

_One he hadn't **really** realized was there._

"It's the _next_ one that makes me fear for my life..." Forde calms his voice after he sees Kyle relax. "Some _up_ -tight woman with her fiancee. If they're pleased with it, _I think I'll be rolling in dough for a little while._ They seem like the... cold-on-the-exterior but... _generous_ -when- _pleased_ type. But on the _other_ hand, I'll end up rolling in my _grave_ if they **_aren't.._."**

Forde pauses as the words he's saying start to sink in.

"But in any case..." Then, Forde turns his attention back to his work. Probably realizing again just how _important_ it really is. "I never thought I'd make it this far to even get clients in the first place... I wonder how much longer I can keep this up before all my luck runs out."

...

_It's better than nothing._

Just, Next time; Don't be so careless as to prioritize it as less important than _taking a stranger to bed..._

But still. _The work itself clearly has it's worth._ Kyle wishes he could have at least _some_ security like that as a job.

...Wait, Why... Why is Kyle _jealous?_

"I'll be... Uuh... _going_ then. Good luck... with..." Kyle gestures vaguely, not exactly knowing what to call this job of Forde's. He's an _idiot,_ because from where Forde is positioned now, he can't see the foolish motions Kyle's making.

Kyle's arms drop at his sides.

"Not so fast." Forde states. "...I'm not done with you just yet." 

"W-What?"

Is he mad after all? Is he expecting some payment out of Kyle...?

The next thing Forde says, he doesn't turn around as he does so. In fact, there is no physical indication that he even _acknowledges_ Kyle as in the same room as him.

"I know it's a lot to ask... But, if you ever need to let off steam, or... need a pick-me-up, well... _By now you **k** **now where I live."**_

Forde quickly _stammers_ out that last part.

Huh? 

Is Forde... _embarrassed_?

...What exactly does Forde mean?

That almost sounds like an invitation to...

_Kyle shakes his head_ , unsure.

"For **now...** _As long as you can afford to pay your rent."_ It's the best Kyle can come up with to turn it around before he gets overwhelmed with nerves _himself._

Forde forces a subtle laugh. But it also sounds a little like he might start _crying_ any minute.

"Funny." He tells Kyle, stalely. " _Very funny."_

**Not** embarrassed...? _Upset,_ maybe?

"...Goodbye..." Kyle offers.

"Yeah, see ya around... _I_ _hope."_

Kyle **_must_** have put those last two words in his head: So that he could hear what he **wanted.**

Because as he's heading for the door...

Kyle really hopes he sees Forde around, too.

* * *

Shy little parting words like that lead Forde to believe he will never see Kyle again; Which is for the better.

...

If a repeat of useless attempts to get by all in solitude can really make anyone feel ' _better.'_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High Energy levels are not real when my body amd thyroid is Out Of Whack so instead of doing things I want/need to I lay in bed, immobile and lethargic, and all I really can do is write this sh*t and I'm starting to annoy even myself with it booyah!

Forde managed to get his end of the deal done; And while not _perfect,_ he is confident enough that he can sneak by with where this piece stands as of now.

This appointment is only to assess how his painting is going; What his client currently likes about it... What she _doesn't._

With a good start to get her opinions early on: There is still room for Forde to fix any mistakes.

Forde's almost worked on it non-stop these past few days; Getting up only to eat and stretch.

He slept for a total of around 4.5 hours; If added together. Never in his _life_ has he worked so productively; And it's all thanks to trying to get the thought of this past weekend and _Kyle_ out of his head that he does this so well...

Ironically, Forde never _would_ have procrastinated so much had it all never happened in the _first_ place.

_And he knows he looks like shit._ So he tried to hide this and compensate for it by wearing decent clothes and light make-up. 

_Still._ He looks-- _A_ _nd feels--_ Like he got hit by unrelenting waves.

Tired, taking one last look over himself in the mirror; Forde decides no matter what he does to try and clean himself up: He can only _do so much_ in order to mask his restlessness.

But at the very least: Thankfully, primer and foundation can do _wonders_ in covering up bite marks on a person's neck.

Just as he's switching off the light to his bathroom, the buzzer to Forde's front door goes off. A quick look at the clock tells him his client's a _little_ early. About five minutes... but _at **least**_ that means Forde _can get this over with_.

Inhaling, psyching himself up; Forde doesn't bother to use the peep-hole on the door. 

Unlock the bolt; Twist the handle--

Open the door.

On the other side...

_Is Kyle_.

"...Hey." Kyle whispers, quietly. _Shameful._

Dumbfounded, Forde freezes.

"You... need to leave. _Right now."_ Forde's voice exhales in a faint breath.

_"Eh--"_ Kyle's face shows alarm and confusion.

...

_It's cute._

...

But Forde doesn't have the time to sit, and stare, and _revel_ in the excitement he feels after seeing it.

"Give me like an hour." In a panic, Forde scrambles. "Oh my _God."_

Grabbing Kyle's shoulder; Forde spins him around: Ready to push Kyle out the frame of his door.

The sound of heels on steps and keys on a chain decide to echo down the hall then, and the timing is all just _too_ impeccable.

...This one _has_ to be Forde's client, and he can't push Kyle away anymore. The stairs in this complex only run on one side, and he can't risk the chance of her seeing a man rushedly leave his suite. 

_"Nevermind."_ Forde whispers, yanking Kyle into his foyer.

Forde manages to shut the door to buy some time; All before Kyle mutters an _"Ow..."_ as he rubs the arm Forde had so aggressively pulled.

_"Please,_ for the love of God, _timing!"_ Forde drags Kyle by the wrist into a more closed-off section of his floor. "You are _perfect_ at picking the absolute _worst_ timing."

"What- _-? I don't under_ \--"

"Just..." Forde can't believe he's about to lock his casual sex partner (Who he is _honestly_ **very** pleased to see again) into his closet. "Don't you _dare_ speak for the next... _I_ _don't know..._ 45 minutes? I'll be back shortly. And **DON'T** make any loud noises."

But if he _doesn't_ lock Kyle away into his closet... Forde's afraid he really never _will_ get to see him again.

"Can I BREATHE?" Kyle furrows his brow in _so_ much confusion.

_Poor thing._ Forde can't exactly explain himself right this minute. _So Kyle looks so worried and will sadly have to await an explanation._

"IF YOU CAN DO IT **_QUIETLY!"_** Forde whisper-shouts.

That's all he can really leave Kyle with, _On his time-constraint._

He also wants to add that if Kyle's breathing is any louder than how he was gasping moans so sharply in Forde's bed a few nights ago: Then that's _too **loud**_ **.**

...

_But he doesn't._

Forde instead slams the sliding door to his closet shut; Acting as a partition between them.

Any later, and Forde would be leaving his client impatient. Because it's then that the door's buzzer once again rings.

* * *

_Talk about mixed signals..._

Kyle discovers that Forde's closet is dark; As one would expect a closet to _be._ The claustrophobic insulation of walls and coats hanging from a rack above muffle the sounds of two people talking outside of it.

It's arguably hard to make out, but the _one_ is no **_doubt_** Forde. 

...And the _other_ sounds like a woman.

Kyle hates the idea that if Forde _is_ having an affair; He _lied_ to him. 

Kyle's hatred over it should be for the _woman's_ sake...

_But Kyle knows it's not._

After all, there was _something_ that brought him back to Forde's door. Kyle still wants to deny it, but truth be told he wants to _really_ get to **_know_** Forde.

And everyday that went by since they last saw one another; Everyday where Kyle had no way of contact... Kyle realized Forde's _body_ isn't the only part of him that he wants to _get to know._

Kyle could burst open the door... He could make a scene.

_That would be **some** way to **come out of the closet.**_

Kyle snorts laughing in spite of himself, then he covers his mouth quickly remembering he's _**supposed** to be quiet._

Yes. Kyle could very _easily_ make himself known: _But he doesn't_. Since Kyle doesn't want to risk and lose whatever the hell is going on between Forde and himself... Or at least what _was_.

Even if Forde's _'cheating'_ is wrong to him. Even if he can _understand_ it but doesn't _agree_ with it.

_It's not cheating_. Kyle ruminates, trying to argue himself out of caring. _It's **not** cheating_. There is _nothing_ between Kyle and Forde for Forde to be ' _cheating' **with.**_

Kyle hugs his knees, and he feels like a kid hiding from an imaginary monster. How _pathetic._

He's not in love... _S_ _o why does it **feel** like he is?_

Not even _last week_ Kyle _really_ thought this over. Even while he sat right next to Forde at the laundromat: _Kyle thought it over **just then.** _

Kyle put serious consideration into about how being alone is suitable for someone like him. The _only_ reason he can't stand the passive-aggressive behaviour he gets from his parents when they mention his sister who is planning her marriage; _Is because Kyle feels inferior_.

It's not like Kyle really _cares._ Hell, Kyle doesn't even _want_ to fall in love. Kyle can't even afford that!

...A- _Forde_ it.

The shitty pun flashes in his head for only a moment, but this fraction of a second is long enough for Kyle to have to swallow the groan of annoyance the idea creates.

And such a _shitty_ pun it is. _It's **so** bad;_ That Kyle's shocked _he_ thought of it before Forde himself ever said anything so _awfully_ **un-** funny.

Head buried in his knees; Kyle's so wrapped up in his thoughts he doesn't notice when the door that's keeping him shut-away finally opens.

" _You can come out now!"_ Forde's voice echoes through the previous silence; Sounding much more joyous than how Kyle's feeling. "Wait, _are you okay!?"_

When Kyle looks up to match the sound to Forde's face, his eyes have to adjust to the light. When they do, Forde stands in front of him with that beautiful _smile_ of his lighting up his expression. It's _huge._

"I thought I _told_ you I didn't want _anything_ to _do_ with your _action-on-the-side_ business!?" Kyle snaps.

Kyle realizes, after seeing Forde's sure happiness: Kyle does _not_ want to _ever_ lose his chances of getting to see that smile ever again.

So he's _gonna_ express his anger with Forde over Forde cheating on at _least **some**_ one. Even if that someone's not _technically_ Kyle.

Forde cocks his head. "On the...? Oh. _Oh_... Yeah... _I can see how you'd think that."_

Kyle watches Forde shrug; Smirking as he tries to make sense of Kyle's anger.

Forde then opens an arm out in front of him, pointing out his closet. "I _did_ just keep you hidden. And from your perspective, who _already_ had this _idea_ in your head that I had a girlfriend...? _I can see if you're mad about that."_

Why's Forde so unfazed here? Cheating's not something to _brag_ about.

Forde's hand finally extends itself out in front of him as he offers to help Kyle up.

_Kyle doesn't take it,_ and instead exerts more of his own energy helping himself up alone.

"Why'd you even _offer_ for me to come back if you're two-timing?" Yells Kyle; His emotions are getting the better of him.

Why's he so upset...? Why's he so upset that he has to _pause_ in order to articulate the rest of his complaining?

His heightened emotions are simply over nothing more than a _cute boy_ that Kyle hardly even _knows._

Kyle shouldn't be so _upset_ about this.

"I never would have gotten mixed up in this... If you're having relationship issues that's for the _two of you_ to work out--!"

_But he is._ Kyle _is_ getting **unreasonably** upset about this.

In fact, Kyle is the most upset he thinks he's ever been in his whole entire _life._

Had Kyle actually just _imagined_ Forde's invitation for him to come back if he wanted? In the moment, it admittedly wasn't super clear... But... _Had_ Kyle just _**imagined**_ it because that's what Kyle himself really, _really_ wanted?

"Would you just _listen?"_ Forde begs with a cry. He looked so happy when he first slid open the door's panel, but now that smile is gone. **"Look,** _I don't have a girlfriend_."

"Then who was _that!?_ " 

Forde blinks in what looks to be growing understanding.

"...My _client._ You know, _the one I mentioned the other day?_ I don't exactly want my only sources of income seeing me as someone who _sleeps around..._ Even if it has been true lately. The almost non-existent reputation I've managed to build up thus far would kill me from ugly publicity. That, or cease to exist _entirely."_

...

Forde's...?

...His _client!?_

That was all!? Nothing more? 

Oh... _Right._ Forde did say he was busy with his work, and that it was important. And... that wasn't anywhere _near_ 45 minutes. _More like 20_. No way could they have done anything in _**20 minutes.**_

Not that it _matters..._

Not that Kyle really... _cares._

Not that _... **Forde** really cares about **Kyle.**_

And all Kyle can really offer now is a poor excuse for an apology after having gotten so _unnecessarily **mad.**_

"I'm... sorry. For showing up... all... _unprecedented..."_

Kyle knows his face is red in embarrassment and jointly-heated frustration.

"No, no. Don't be." Slowly, that smile that Kyle almost wants to _protect_ finds its way back onto Forde's face. " _I_ _had it coming_.... But if I'm being honest; I _really_ didn't expect to see you again. Like, _Ever."_

"...So you _didn't_ mean that I could come back to _'let off steam'..._ as you put it...?" Kyle mumbles in _more_ shameful embarrassment.

"Oh, _I meant it_." Forde nods his head enthusiastically. "In fact, I was _asking_ you to come whenever you wanted. I just... didn't think you understood."

Really...!? Whenever Kyle... _wanted?_

"I guess I _sorta_ did?" Kyle tries.

...But even then, Kyle can't exactly _understand **now.**_

Just what the hell _does_ Forde want?

...What the hell does Kyle want _himself?_

...

_Kyle can't figure it out._

"Yeah. _You're here_ , after all." Forde looks back and forth between Kyle's eyes... A soft fondness is present in his tone.

Why does Kyle feel so much relief after all of that has been settled?

"Oh!" Forde startles a second after he's realized something. "And I'm in a kick-ass mood right now. So you _can't_ bring me down! ** _I won't let you_**."

"Cool..." Kyle can't think of much else. _He is genuinely at a loss for words._

"Not gonna ask what I'm excited over? _What it is?"_

"...What is it?" Kyle indulges, for the sake of maybe prolonging that **happy-looking Forde.**

" _SHE LOVED IT!"_

The look of utter joy on Forde's face; Him fishing into his pocket for a wad of cash. _He really **is** happy..._

And Kyle has to remind himself again: That he _is **not** in love._

_"Looooook."_ Forde spreads the bills out in front of him. "Not only did she pay half up-front... Well, Not _technically_ up front because I've already finished like... 50 percent of the first draft but, _**whatever.** _She _also_ gave a tip. A _pretty **big** one,_ too."

"That's... That's great." Kyle tries to share Forde's enthusiasm over his work, here. _But he can't._ Because all Kyle can truly find himself _stunned_ by is Forde's wonderful joy.

Forde jumps for a moment, realizing he's acting _way_ too giddy. "S-Sorry. I just... _G_ _ot ahead of myself."_

"No, I'd be excited too if I found something _I_ was good for..."

"I said no trying to bring me down." Forde pouts.

"...Yeah... _Right"_ Kyle was trying to bring _himself_ down. _Not Forde_. "Sorry.."

Because how could Kyle _ever_ compare as a person to all Forde's obviously accomplishing?

"I'm gonna show you what I have so far." Still excited enough to ride out his pride, Forde seems dead-set on rubbing his talents further into Kyle's face. " _I know it's stupid_ but do me a favor and pretend like you're interested."

"Sure..."

Forde walks off with pep in his stride, And when he returns: Kyle doesn't even _need_ to pretend. Because he recognizes the place in Forde's painting _immedietly._

"How the hell are you so good at that?" Kyle lets out, somewhere in between awe and full-blown jealousy.

"...What?"

"It's not done yet? And I know _EXACTLY_ where that is."

"G-Good?" Forde starts to stutter. "I-- I don't.. _. That's not the right word_..." 

"Don't be _humble_ or _modest_ or whatever. _I've_ never been there. But I could still tell you _exactly_ where that is!"

"No, it's nothing. Really. _I don't even know why I do it--_ " The red on Kyle's face from earlier now mirrors onto Forde.

"I do..." Jealousy aside: Kyle can't deny the sheer appreciation he's _also_ feeling here for Forde. " _You do it because you're good at it."_

"..." Forde looks over his draft in silence. As if he truly _doesn't_ believe it's any good, and is trying so hard to find something about it that he at least _partially_ likes.

Kyle doesn't know why he would ever struggle to _find_ that, though.

"Like for real, I want to show it to my sister... She'd appreciate it more than I would." Informs Kyle. "It's a shame it's a commission, because I know _she'd_ buy it off of you. But I guess then your profit margain would drop tenfold..." 

"Something... _significant_ about where it is?" Forde asks.

"Not really. _Not to me._ It's where she met her fiancee or some shit. I try not to get mixed up in her life, _because if I did I would ruin it."_

"..."

At this, Forde really takes a second to _not talk._ As if he's noticed something secretively important.

"What?" Kyle doesn't understand this abrupt silence.

"Her... _fiancee?"_

"...Yeah?"

"I... _did_ tell you this was for a couple about to get married... _right?"_ The poorly hidden self-deprication fades away slowly from Forde's face; In order for _something else_ to phase its way onto it.

Kyle recalls the conversation when he first learned what Forde does for a living...

" _You did..."_

"Can you... tell me... what your sister's name is..."

It's not a question; _Forde is demanding it._

"I-I...You don't even know _my_ real name and you--"

_There's no way..._

There's _**no**_ way.

"Worry about that later." Forde persists. " _What is your sister's name?_ "

Kyle shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't want to say, because he is almost certain the answer will be one he doesn't want to hear. And the already small world _is shrinking even smaller somehow._

"...Mia."

"Auburn hair...? More red than brown?"

"...Yep."

Forde bursts out laughing. " _You don't look anything alike!"_

"Th-This isn't _funny!"_

"C'mon." Forde tilts his head as if to ask Kyle how he's not amused here. " _It's pretty funny._ " 

"Maybe to anyone who isn't _me or **you!"**_

"I'm me, _and **I** think it's hilarious_!"

Seriously? Kyle-- For the first time in his life-- Has found something he feels he is really interested in... Found some ** _one_** who he maybe wants to learn more about and in doing so, even end up learning more about _himself..._

And once again: There's always someone who's doing better than Kyle and gets more appreciation.

_Always a step ahead._

"That's because _you're_ not the one who agreed to a one-night stand; MOSTLY because he was feeling shitty over the wedding he would have to attend in a few months..." Kyle can't help himself: He lets it _aaall_ out.

_"I couldn't get it off of my **mind!"** _Hysterical, Kyle stammers with too much to sa _y._ "That among _other_ things. I know I'm younger than her so I shouldn't _feel_ as much pressure but **_GOD_** she's just so _far ahead_ of me! And now, by some _twisted_ whim of fate or maybe even a _curse;_ The night of getting it off of my mind has come to _**bite** me in the **ass**_ **!"**

"... Are you... really that lonely?" Forde puts his painting aside. His laughter finally halts. " _So full of so much self-hatred?_

"No! **No.** _Of course not_..." Kyle crosses his arms; Self-aware. _"Just jealous."_

"... _Jealous..._ of how your sister isn't _alone?"_

Friday night was when they met; Saturday morning if Kyle wants to be technical. It's only the following Thursday, and _again_ Forde is exposing the ugly scars within him that he keeps trying so hard to cover up.

"...Yeah. Because if I'm gonna be alone, I should at _least_ be able to do _that_ right." Forde had earlier told Kyle no trying to bring him down. But right now, Kyle can't manage to sound anything other than _dismal._

_"...Wow."_ Forde almost looks sad, as if he's blaming himself. "If I knew all that, I never would have sat next to you that night. All I've done is remind you of everything you can't stand..."

_This is wrong._

**No more of Forde's smile...** _Kyle's taken it away._

"Don't... _worry_ about that." Kyle mutters. "Just... _I'll leave._ And never come back."

...As Kyle should. _Who did he think he was?_ Going after something just because it was what he alone wanted? _Yeah._ As if _Kyle_ deserves anything that wonderful.

"All I have to do is that..." Kyle finishes his dreary goodbye. " _B_ _ecause you'll never find me as long as you don't look too hard_. You may have my sister's contact info, but... I haven't spoken to her in person for three years. The last thing I heard from her was actually about her wedding invite. _You don't know my name_ , so you won't find me." 

Kyle readies himself to leave, but not without anticipating _some_ sort of objection. Sure enough; _Kyle gets it._ But it's not quite how Kyle wishes it would have been put.

"--About that, I've..." Forde starts, even a little more _desperate_ to talk Kyle out of leaving than Kyle would have thought his voice would be.

"...What?"

"Known your name..."

...Huh?

"No. _N_ _o you haven't_. You couldn't possibly--"

_"Kyle."_ Forde states.

...What?

_"No!"_

This is bad. _Te_ _rrible._ Forde _can't **know his name**_ **.** Well, he _could,_ and... _clearly_ he _does_... but Kyle can't just _let_ him know!

Kyle must have imagined it; Heard him wrong. Or _right,_ because what he heard _waaas_ his name...

"Kyle." Forde says again.

_Don't repeat it!_ Now there's no room for error!

"You didn't say that!" Kyle squeaks. " _I didn't hear that from you_!"

"Why, Kyle? Is something wrong... _Kyle?"_ There's that fake innocence of Forde's again...

Why is Forde purposefully twisting knives into his back?

_"Shut up!"_

"Make me!"

"... _Make_ you?" Kyle's angry; Well, maybe more _upset_ than angry. There _is_ a difference. But his voice, so full of rage and fire a second ago; Loses that flame.

"Yeah, Kyle. _Make_ me." Forde nods sarcastically, pouring kerosene on a match to keep it from completely burning out.

Let's see... Shut someone up? 

Put them to sleep... Cut their tongue in two... Cover their mouth...

_Cover their mouth._

The door's the _other_ way. Kyle reprimands himself; While he is closing the distance between himself and Forde instead.

**Kyle kisses Forde.**

_Only_ because it's the easiest way to _shut him up_.

It's not soft or tender or whatever it could or maybe even _should_ be. It's passionate, fuming, and hungry to win whatever battle Kyle has raging within him.

It's all of these things, but what it's not is lustful. Within the short two days they have spent with one another; Any kiss they may have shared were all bottom-lip-biting and in between a different, more _shameful,_ feeling of desire.

The human exchange of words and meanings... It's incredible, really. How Kyle can perform the same action and maybe even use some of those same words associated with it; And have it feel all-around _different._

" _When did you even find out!?_ " Kyle yells in Forde's face after he's confident enough mouth-to-mouth has shut him up.

He's still holding Forde's face in his hands, though; To get his point across that he's mad. _Not_ because Forde's skin is soft and Forde's hair is smooth.

"...Before you ever even said anything to me."

_"How?!"_ Was Kyle actually so drunk he said it and forgot?

"The, uh... bartender... said it..." Forde pouts, flustered in Kyle's hands. His is face dusted pink.

_...The bartender said it?_

Kyle drops his head in defeat. The only place for it to fall is into the crook of Forde's neck. Into his warm shoulder... Into his inviting chest.

For a moment, Kyle wants to demand back the tip he gave the man who poured his drinks for keeping all of his belongings in tact the night he lost them all.

But can Kyle _honestly_ blame someone for something like _that?_

"Is it _really_ that bad a thing if I know?" Forde whispers.

Forde truthfully doesn't know. _Why not?_ Forde should feel the same way Kyle does.

_'Deserve'_ to fall in love or not... Kyle knows now that he, no matter what, _still **wants** to._

"Yes..." Why are Kyle's hands holding so firmly on to the shirt on Forde's back? " _You not knowing my name...?_ That was the only thing keeping me from **_completely_** admitting any infatuation I've developed for you."

At this, Forde grows rigid in Kyle's arms. 

Wait... Why did Kyle _say_ that? Ugh, So _embarrassing._

"If that's the case..." Kyle feels _some_ one return his sad excuse for a hug. "Then don't even _bother_ denying it. Because I've _known_ from the start... So you've _never_ had a valid excuse."

A minute goes by; Maybe two. Both their hearts racing. Not in sync, but close enough that if they were in a relay: The judges would have to rewind the footage to see who crossed the line first.

"Why didn't you _say_ anything?" Kyle finally pulls himself off of Forde; Hands still holding onto Forde's arms.

"... _Why didn't I **say** anything_?" Forde repeats, and it sounds like he's asking himself the question again in order to answer it for Kyle. "...The same reason _you_ didn't want me to _know."_

Kyle is unsure of what the sound in the back of his throat is. It's a choke of laughter, _maybe._

"What the hell are _we,_ then? What does that make _us_?"

"...Disasters." Forde states bluntly.

...That's a pretty good way of putting it, actually.

* * *

"I just, _W_ _hat am I gonna do_? When she has a housewarming party? I show up, and above the couch or fireplace or whatever; Is that _painting."_ Kyle starts in between a pause.

"...And you know, the way old people _love_ to act. _'Such a beautiful painting_.' I'll hear relatives say, ones I can't even _remember_ how we're related in the first place. _'It's such a beautiful painting.'_ Because, you know; It's a _housewarming_ party. And decor is _part_ of a **_house._** So they _are_ going to mention it. _'Whoever painted that must be skilled with his hands._ ' Because I mean-- Come on-- _L_ _ook at the detail._ And I'll... I'll just... **_Yeah._** He _is_ skilled with his hands... Like, _Can I say that_? Is it socially acceptable to tell my sister I slept with the guy she bought such a sentimental piece from?"

Next to Kyle, Forde is laughing; Wiping tears from his eyes.

After the two came to the conclusion that everytime they meet; It _isn't_ going to be the last like they keep saying or thinking: Kyle decided not to leave. Instead they sit on Forde's couch with a broadcast of some live-stream playing a video game on his television.

"Okay, okay." Kyle reaches acceptance to what Forde had earlier found so laughable. "Maybe you're right... It **_is_** pretty funny."

"' _Skilled with his hands'._ " Still laughing, Forde repeats the part he found most amusing.

_"What?_ They're all gonna think they're like... Big-shot art connoisuers or... _W_ _hatever._ They'll think that they'll know what they'll be talking about. But _I'm_ the only one that will _really_ know."

"Hmm..." Forde nuzzles his face into Kyle's side. It's new, _and Kyle realizes he likes it._ "I'm already sleep-deprived as it is... Slaving over that painting. And all that... _talk._ That made me _exhausted._ I need a nap. A fat one." 

Forde yawns, closing his eyes. He wraps his arms tightly around Kyle's as if he were preparing to stay like this for the remainder of the night.

"Get some rest..." Kyle mumbles, taking a good look over how peaceful and cute Forde turns out to be when he only just wants to _**sleep.** "I'm not stopping you..."_

"...You'll still be here when I wake up, right?"

_Wow..._ Kyle can't help but think he must have gotten turned into fresh snowfall or some shit _because that question made his frozen heart **melt**._

"Have I, uh... _ever,_ slept beside you: Only for you to wake up with me gone the next morning?"

Two nights isn't much... but Kyle still has a 100% success rate of overstaying his welcome.

"Heh. _Right._ Okay." Forde smiles gently with a soft laugh leaving him before he eventually drifts off.

The disasters fall asleep on the couch with the sound of eSports casters going on about how a certain team managed to relocate teams, placement, _and_ style; And still come out on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they are watching RLCS because for som e reason i still play Rocket League in 2020 ANd i am feeling it man with season 9 and all..all i know is fordekyle and rocket car game and my self-loathing hits me all the harder IMAGINE LIKING ROCKET LEAGUE bully me
> 
> goodnight disaster bi and disaster gay....ily so much ur both so stupid
> 
> p.s. my fic my headcanon for what mia looks like
> 
> and i guess i should say rn they are probably like 23 or 24 but who cares


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another day, another i am in so much physical pain i can t do anything for too long other than this :(
> 
> i am also absolutely projecting said pain and agony onto both of them =]

When Forde wakes up; It is much earlier than desired.

_But that's what you get for falling asleep so early in the evening._

And, like Forde _mostly_ expected would be the case: Kyle is still here.

"You're three-for-three..." Forde mumbles sleepily. He's not sure who it is he's saying it to. It's not like Kyle can hear him; _Kyle's asleep._

His back kind of hurts... After all he _has_ spent so long slouched over his work. To add insult to injury, the longest consecutive hours of sleep Forde managed for rest since all of his strenuous activity... Was nothing more than on a hard couch.

Even so, Forde feels okay. Not great, but _okay._ The air in his apartment is on the cooler side this morning, but the day's first rays of sun warm him enough so that he's not uncomfortable. _That,_ or he's grown so accustomed to Kyle's body heat that he can hardly even feel the chill.

_I don't deserve this._ Forde thinks. _Instead,_ he should need to be suffering under the weight of four or five blankets in order to keep himself warm.

He's honestly always _wanted_ to drown in affection, but told himself he _just wasn't worth the effort._

...So, Maybe he is just a _little_ bit surprised that Kyle is _still here._

Maybe, _Forde's luck won't run out **quite** as fast as he had initially thought._

After some comforting silence in cuddling into Kyle's arms, Forde's phone rings; _Like it does most days._

And like most days, Forde chooses not to answer it. 

But that won't last forever. In due time, Forde will have the courage to answer. To catch up with his father; Whom he never _wanted_ to end up on **_bad_** terms with in the first place.

When asked how Forde has been doing: _Ford_ _e will tell him all about it._ How even though this wasn't the path his father's always imagined for him; _Forde's still managing._

And if Forde _really_ thinks about it... How his work is coming along is actually going _pretty well_ nowadays.

\--While not premediated to do so, Kyle's side-comments of praise towards Forde's painting yesterday threw him a curveball. One that he would never be able to catch at present day. 

But if he practices more... _If he keeps going_...

Well, Maybe _then_ Forde could also get that respect from his father as well.

The pitch will one day land cleanly in his palm: _And Forde will be able to throw it back with double the force._

Everything-- With time-- _Will slowly repair itself._

This _ring_ of a phone call ultimately wakes Kyle up.

"Hmm... What time is it?"

"You busy?" Forde asks, nuzzling himself closer. " _Got some place to be_?"

"...Yeah... Actually." Kyle stretches his arms over his head; And Forde finds amusement in the fact that he just used one of those _'stretch to wrap my arm around you so it doesn't look too obvious'_ techniques that junior high kids do on a first date at a movie theater. _"Anywhere but **here."**_

"And yet... _**Here** you are..."_

Kyle sighs laughing. "You know I'm no good with directions."

"That's why you have a map!"

"Aah, _Not anymore."_ Kyle informs Forde. "I left it in my pocket; And when I went to fold my wash from the other day...? All my clothes were littered with mutilated scraps of paper. I _s_ _till_ haven't put it away yet because I don't feel like _dealing_ with it."

"...How'd you end up back here then without it?" Forde wonders aloud.

It sounds like Kyle's sense of direction can't be _that_ bad. At _least_ after he's first learned and remembered where it is he's trying to go.

Kyle's hand absentmindedly brushes fingertips over Forde's arm as he formulates a response to Forde's question.

_It makes Forde feel like this might be right where he needs to be_.

"Muscle memory?" Kyle's voice grows higher in uncertainty with his answer.

"Your muscles have _thinking_ capabilities?!" Forde jokes. As he looks up to see the gauge of Kyle's reaction from it; Forde sees just how _groggy_ Kyle really _is._

It matches the tone in his voice, and any lazy movements Kyle positions himself into.

Too tired to fight the stupidity: Kyle goes along with it.

"Yeah. _My dick,_ mostly... Tells me I gotta get laid, and tells my feet to drive me to Some Guy's apartment. Then my legs that walked me up to his floor tell my _arms_ to hold that Some Guy... And before I know it, the rest of my Muscles' memory are all telling me that I like... _really **like**_ this Guy. And now I don't know what part of me to listen to, because I haven't used my _brain_ for thinking in I can't remember _how_ long."

"...Pshh. _Please._ Think with your _head._ Not with your _dick."_

_**"Can't."** _Kyle lays out in a thick tone of voice with bluntness _. "Dick is the control panel."_

Wow. Is Kyle _really_ funny, or is it just that Forde is already _very_ into him?

"Well, I dunno who the president of your dick's HQ is if it's not _you._ But whoever it is, I want to speak to them... _Thank them for dragging you back here."_

Honestly... Forde's really happy to see Kyle again.

_Forde hopes the feeling is mutual._

"The person in control of my dick might be closer than you think."

The close-to- _serious_ **tone** of this conversation doesn't match the word choice _at **all.**_ And Forde doubles over laughing. 

" _Enough about your dick_..." Forde manages to catch his breath. "Are you hungry?"

"Why? Are _you?"_ Kyle smirks. "Hungry for that blowjob you offered me the other day?"

_...Oh my God_.

"What!? I didn't _offer!"_ Forde shouts, smiling.

"Oh _please;_ You practically **_owe_** me one."

"... _At least let me feed you first._ " As a joke, Forde tries to sound like one of those ' _gentlemen';_ Who think they're slick but are **_actually_** just jackasses.

_But he's laughing so hard he isn't doing much of a good job._

"No, no _._ I already _told_ you I couldn't accept stuff from you." Kyle tenses up a little.

"...But you can accept me _**sucking** your **cock?"**_

Kyle blinks, thinking over his answer.

_"Maybe..._ Are you any good at it?"

"Shhhh. _Find out later._ Breakfast first."

"I said no." Kyle frowns in some pointess form of ego.

_"No,_ Kyle. You said you wouldn't come in and have something to _drink_ if I offered. But think about it. You came here on your _**own** free will_ already. So, you _already_ failed. Plus, _food isn't a drink_. You have no reason to decline something to _eat."_

"But if I eat... _I'll get thirsty."_ Kyle falters.

"Then swallow your pride before you swallow the blowjob you'll owe _me_ once I'm finished with you: And have something to eat with me."

Forde gets up, not taking no for an answer; And drags Kyle-- _Who doesn't put up a fight_ \-- Into his kitchen.

"You have a dishwasher?" Kyle states as he looks around. He hasn't been to _this_ part of Forde's apartment yet. "Classy..."

Forde shakes his head. _"Told_ you I was high maintenance." 

"I gotta manually wash everything by hand." Kyle lets Forde know: Almost as if he's pointing out his personal _best qualities_ to try and get Forde to find interest in him.

_But Forde already has interest._

"That is--" Kyle continues. Ruining what _could_ have been a respectable feature in a person. "If I'm eating more than just SpaghettiOs straight from the can and Cup Noodles."

Forde just shakes his head as response.

Then, he unties the twist on a bag of white bread he forgot he had purchased a few days ago. _Kyle's going to eat it whether he wants it or not;_ Living alone means mold likes to find your food quicker, it seems. And Forde isn't in the _mood_ to see it go bad.

"Refined taste... _cuisine,_ really." Forde chuckles, finally finding words to fill Kyle's increasing awkwardness.

"Yeah. _To_ _ast_ is really put to shame." Kyle shoots back in defense.

"Sorry I can't _accommodate_ to your _needs."_ Forde drops the bread in his toaster. "Something's bothering me, though. How'd you not like... _Recognize_ your sister's voice?"

"Huh? It-It's been so long since I've seen her!" Kyle retorts. "And I _swear_ your closet must be _sound_ -cancelling. Also I just... _H_ _ad a lot on my mind."_

A lot on his mind, Aye?

"Like what?" Forde humors.

"...You."

* * *

There may have been a few times where Kyle had mistaken what he was feeling for Forde as _love._

Which is nearly _impossible_ to feel for someone you met only just a _week_ ago under messy circumstances.

It was Kyle's lack of prior experience that brought him to this conclusion in the first place.

What he was _really_ feeling was just as he had described to Forde; _Infatuation._

...But what really _is_ infatuation but intense love over a short span of time?

Most times: Infatuation stops there. 

But... Sometimes, under some scenerios; Certain pathways open themselves up. A lay-out of it will all be in front of you, directing you where to go.

And what choice do you have but to follow those arrows and signs?

If the map is one you've never seen before...

Well, who knows where that could lead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gmm mthat is awrap on whatevr this was which i am kind of upset abt bc i dont have anything else to writ e and doing this was nice when i am bedridden tbh i just i want to draw but i cant bc Pain. 
> 
> if you excuse me i am off to draw MacKyleMore bc this universe's kyle TOTALLY shops at thrift shops (all for a total of two minutes before the chronic pain in my back decides i cant )

**Author's Note:**

> Oh and, going along with my Fic Edit Note as of November 2020:
> 
> First time I wrote this back in February 2020, in Chapter 5 when Kyle finds out his sister has commissioned Forde? I remember writing that shit made my heart race.
> 
> And editing it: 
> 
> Made my heart, STILL, race.
> 
> I love this fic. No lie. I really love it. If fics are an auth*rs babies... Do my other children know I have a favorite? Do they feel inferior knowing the favorite is Route of The Problem?


End file.
